Ramblings

It's a beautiful Sabbath day. The sky is a rich blue and the weather is mild. Doug and I drove to Kern Valley to attend their sacrament meeting and see the children's program. The spirit was strong there and the little children warmed our hearts.

Some days it feels like the loss of Shannon's association gets easier and then the past two days have been hard again for me. Most of the flowers we received have died and as I dispose of them, it pulls at my heart. We did plant one bush outside and so I hope that one will go on and remind us of our Lovebug.

I'm writing down things that come to my mind about Shannon. I don't want to forget. The other night I was watching a recorded episode of "Touched by an Angel" and when Della Reese started singing, "When you walk down the road, heavy burden, heavy load. . . . " etc., my mind was filled with the memory of Shannon and I singing that together every time we watched it years ago and then just recently when she was here. Now it's a solo on my part - ugh! I better just listen and then I'll hear Shannon's voice.

I find myself wishing so badly that I could have actually hugged my girl and verbally said goodbye - you know the things that you say to one another when you say goodbye. Even though we talked a lot about her death over the past years, I just didn't get to do it at that final moment. I know she knows. But my heart has to catch up with what my mind knows.

I'm okay! I'm okay!